Overcoming Conflict

During my first week at Irina's I completed twenty hours of solid writing towards my book.  When I wasn't writing I was helping Irina take care of Rita and when we weren't taking care of Rita I enjoyed seeing the local side of Sydney with Irina.  

 Wattle, a native Australian flower, and the sites of Sydney in the background.

Wattle, a native Australian flower, and the sites of Sydney in the background.

 

In just a week we saw a drum circle, the New South Wales Art Museum, a sail boat race and lots of great live music.  It was all very fun and yet it was all unraveling parts of me.  The truth is, I was exhausted.  I'd been exhausted for the past six weeks.  The entire length of the East Coast trip had been a constant battle for me.  Smile.  Look, more mountains.  Another beach. Say it's pretty.

So why wasn't I having fun anymore?  Was I homesick?  I missed my friends and family but that wasn't anything new.  Here I was surrounded by the world's most beautiful beaches and I couldn't even enjoy it.  I thought a four-day writer's festival would rejuvenate me but I was still tired.  I slept at least ten hours every night but it wasn't my body that was tired.  It was my spirit.  

So I took about three days to write out my present emotions.  I wrote and I wrote and I wrote until I realized I had come to the conclusion of my book; the conclusion of my trip itself.  I was the main character.  I had overcome my main conflict.  Now it was time to go home and jump back in to my real life.  

Australia was beautiful, like a dream.  But that's just it, it was more fantasy than reality.  I struggled to make ends meet, yes, but other than that I had no drama, no lasting relationships, no long-term residence, no town to call my own.  Back home awaited a huge mess of career options, friendship struggles, family obligations and insurance bills.  It was chaotic but at least it was real.  

Finally, after seven and a half months, I was ready to tackle the life I'd been given.  All of my demons had been battled and it was time to go home.  BUT I STILL HAD TASMANIA AND PERTH TO SEE!  There were two more stops on my list!  I wanted to see them but I also knew I would not be impressed with either of them in my current state of exhaustion.  

So I called Maggie, naturally and got her opinion on the whole ordeal.  Her answer was perfectly clear: "Haley, if you aren't having fun then go home.  There's nothing keeping you here."  She was right, I needed to give myself permission to let go of the things I didn't need.  Tasmania and Perth could wait for another time.  I had a life to live.